I swear I never thought I’d get here. With you, I mean.
I swear the last thing I saw—as I flew off my seat, through the windshield, my head smashing against that tree—wasn’t him.
I swear I ignored all of his text messages and his calls.
I swear I didn’t forget to put the seatbelt on.
I swear I wasn’t already crying when I got in the car.
I swear I’d sworn not to break down in front of him. Just confront him, give him a piece of my mind, so long, I’ll see you never, then drive away.
I swear I didn’t run a couple of traffic lights on my way to his office.
I swear I didn’t read all of those disgusting messages.
I swear I didn’t wish to be dead. Or did I?
I swear I didn’t log in to his computer and saw a bunch of notifications from a woman I’d never heard of before.
I swear he didn’t leave that morning without saying goodbye.
I swear we didn’t go to bed angry the night before.
I swear we didn’t have a huge fight over his absolute fucking disregard for my feelings and our marriage.
I swear my world didn’t crumble when he came home from work that evening and when I tried to kiss him he turned away and said he was tired.
I swear that afternoon when I was having lunch at work I didn’t have a wrenching pain in my stomach. A certain feeling.
I swear that morning when we both left for work and kissed each other goodbye, I was still happy—I swear.
I swear I did hesitate when he asked me to marry him just a couple of months after he’d left his then-wife.
I swear after he left the first time we made love I didn’t whisper to myself that I could die for him.
I swear I never knew I’d find heaven and hell when I went into that bookstore that morning.
¡Hola! Quick, before you leave: I understand not wanting to commit to a subscription, I know money’s tight for everyone. But if you can spare a tip, then I’d greatly appreciate it. Gracias.
heartwrenching