After the umpteeth scrap of tissue paper soaked in snot, I decided to cut my nose off.
I had it all thought out:
I’d do it right before going to bed, so by the time I woke up the next day my face would be healed.
I started by numbing it.
I placed some ice cubes in a plastic bag and then put it on my face.
When it felt numb enough, I bit on a wool sock and began cutting.
At once, there was no more sneezing, no more wiping, no more headaches. All that was left was a sort of emptiness.
The next morning, after an uninterrupted night of sleep, I began panicking.
How was I supposed to go to work without a nose?
I took a shower, then had breakfast while I kept mulling over it.
Defeated, I sank on the couch and reached for the phone. I’d have to call in sick.
But when I did this, my eyes were drawn outside to the house across from mine.
The night before had snowed heavily, and on my neighbor’s lawn a somewhat amorphous yet endearing snowman had already been put up.
At the center of what was supposed to pass as its face, a root stuck out.
I quickly put the phone down and ran to the veggie drawer in my fridge.
That day at work, I was “the funniest, craziest guy” they’d ever worked with.
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😂loved the ending. This story was very well written
How fun. Thanks for sharing